ஐ夨祛記憶dé゛曉安·°♡

    I really don’t know what to say, but I certainly have to say something or my heart will explode. I guess the best way to explain my thoughts is to say that all night I’ve pretty much done nothing but talk about “past”

    I’m filled with a quiet melancholy because…And I know so clearly ,despite all the “stupid” that has happened in this past month…that we are absolutely destined to be with each other…

    I am stubborn. If you know anything at all about me, know that. Believe that...

  Things haven’t going too well in my life. Everything going on, combined, became too much a few days ago, and feeling like I am floating in fog…not being able to think or act like myself.

  Now, you gotta understand-I’ve been in a bit of a fragile/emotional state lately…for no reason.

  I think its time… Time I take a break and shed some weight off…I need to be alone…  so will disappear for some time and sort things out…

And the rest…until the next time…

at Johnny Moo with my sister

   I was up very late last night. And woke up at 7 this morning…after that I drove to Starbucks got a latte.

   Yesterday was a huge turning point in a lot of ways…And I dunno. Maybe I am old-fashioned…but when you’re “in love” with someone…no one else comes close to that person you love. When you’re in love the truth is so easy to share because you never do anything worth lying about.

  Winter’s coming, it’s times like these where I’m sitting in my room, alone in the house, that the big picture comes into place. This just isn’t for me, but settling down with a family in the suburbs and having two children with the man of my dreams-that’s the big picture I’m waiting for.

  It's time to get a new haircut ^_^

Anyway, I bought new magazines from Japan(VIVI .POPTEEN and CANCAM). I dunno, but I just really wanted to change my dress style, and it once again inspired me to try to eat healthy and lose weight. I definitely got my plan lol. So I am attempting it.

I went to Shanghai Bay with Robert today. I tried milkshake there, it was really nice!! But I just really can’t remember the name of that restaurant. They were playing American radio and the song named-The Reason by Hoobastank. Robert told me it used to be his favourite song. I would say I just really love this song, a lot of people are willing to change for love.

I’ve watched the music video when I got home. It's about someone he hurt deeply before...he took them for granted. Something caused him to realize what he could have lost and he looked at the relationship in a whole new light and saw himself differently too. So this guy has made a lot of mistakes with his relationship with this girl but he's willing to change and he's willing to be a better person for her.

Hoobastank - The Reason 

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

It's about starting a new life with somebody new. The reason for changing their ways is because of the new person they started a relationship with. WELL,I guess that’s the reason I love this song.

    For the last couple of days, I’ve felt particularly disappointed in certain people. And I think part of it was just me wanting to be mad at someone-something… And, well, I think I have a right to be, and maybe, I was right all along about this situation… And then, that right doesn’t mean anything…or help anything…It just makes you more mad.

    I had a really bad dream last night. I sometimes wonder if I’m really myself when I’m with someone else. People always say –you’re a good girl, never breaks the rules, no matter how miserable it makes her.

    But what I believed…in a few short months of knowing him, I believed him to be entirely perfect for me-since then I’ve never once backed down on that feeling.

    And I got a phonecall from Jim Rogers today. It’s happy to know that he just landed at airport.

    I’ve been working so hard and incredibly depressed lately. Of course it was about applying MBA in US. Hopefully, it was all worth it .

    がんばってください

    Hmmm, ooh, and my cellphone just looks so special now.

    This week has been a bit insane. My days off were filled with applying MBA in US. Holidays coming, I decided to just take a drive to any DVD store and grab a movie or two so I could just relax.

  I watched a wonderful movie last night-The Holiday. One of the best romantic movies i have ever seen. You can relate to the characters and how they're feeling because most people have been through that type of relationship. I love this movie, heartwarming!!

   And I love the quote from "The Holiday".

I understand feeling as small

　　and as insignificant as humanly possible,

　　and how it can actually ache in places

　　that you didn't know you had inside you,

　　and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get

　　or gyms you join

　　or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends,

　　you still go to bed every night going over every detail,

　　and wonder what you did wrong

　　or how you could have misunderstood.

　　And how in the hell, for that brief moment,

　　you could think that you were that happy?

　　...

　　And after all that,

　　however long all that may be,

　　you'll go somewhere new

　　and you'll meet people

　　who make you feel worthwhile again,

　　and little pieces of your soul will finally come back.

　　And all that fuzzy stuff,

　　those years of your life that you wasted,

that will eventually begin to fade.

Chinese Translation

我了解那種渺小又微不足道的感受，就算遍體鱗傷也要故作堅強，不管換了幾個新發型，或是去健身或是和姐妹淘喝白酒，日日夜夜都仍在回想著每個細節，納悶自己到底哪裏錯了，哪裏誤解了。最後自問怎麽會把短暫的歡愉錯當成永久的快樂。

經歷過這一切後，人還是會重新開始的。再遇到值得付出的人。然後一點一點地重拾自信，而那些模糊的回憶，那麽多年浪費掉的人生，終究會開始消逝

I went to KTV with my sister and friend yesterday.

New popteen magazine from Japan

My new haircut

BEFORE__________________

AFTER_____________________

  Today wasn’t such a bad day, though I didn’t sleep much at all last night. And I haven’t posted much lately, I have been either too busy or… burnt out to really feel like writing.

  Anyway I went to BAYSTAR Model Mgt's 12 Year Anniversary Party @ Sin club. It was 2 weeks before though, I just have time to post on it.

with all friends

my best friend-Isaac

  I can’t believe it’s only 19:00. Today has taken so long to go by, I feel so weird today. I opened a new perfume last night- Burberry Brit for Men ,I bought it in March ,well, I can’t even remember the reasons. But it really reminds me of something and one song-- If Only By Luis Fonsi. I love this song.

If Only By Luis Fonsi.

As the night begins to fade to just another day
How I long to see your face again
Memories of you and I, now I live another life
That no longer feels like mine

Tell me how I can go on now that you´re gone
All the days seem so long
And the emptiness that my heart knows
Won´t let me go

And if only you could see
What my life has come to be without you´re love
I´m missing you so much
And if only I had tried
To find a way so you were still here with me
It wouldn´t have to be "if only" tonight

I never thought I´d be the one wondering what went wrong
Wondering what I could have done
But now I´m standing all alone with nothing left to lose
I wish that I could show you

What would I do for that chance to take it all back
To try to make our love last
But there´s nothing more for me to give
How can I live?

To take away my pain, to hold you once again
These arms would never let go
If only you could know
If only you could know...

  I spent so many months upset because someone who said he liked me never made me a priority. But how could he when I didn’t even love myself enough to do that for me? It’s time to eliminate distractions and teach myself the fine art of loving me.

 But I am also happier than I’ve ever seem. I know I’ll do anything to keep him in my life. In just a few short months of knowing him, I believed him to be perfect for me.

  Only you could be more important than what I wanted. And I know I’ll never be strong enough to leave again, I have too many excuses to stay.

  I went to Muse2 with Robert and Calvin last week, hmmm, what else…ooh, I am gonna tell everyone this funny thing, Robert, Calvin and Calvin’s friends, we eat at hot pot restaurant in songjiang together. Robert…he mixed the sauce with Satay, hoisin sauce, Peanut butter and sesame . We totally freaked out…

 look at this

  It’s the longest total solar eclipse in 500 years on 22July2009. Well, the next total solar eclipse that can be seen in China will fall on March 20, 2034. And It’s a rare moment...

   We were disappointed by a light drizzle in the morning. As the sky darkened fully for about five minutes, we became excited. It’s just fantastic!

Heyyyy everyone. How’s your weekend? I couldn’t fall asleep last night. Hmm, I felt so lonely all day yesterday because my mind just being so negative. Nothing planned for tomorrow. I wanna just be alone all day. As much as I enjoy being alone, I’m also the type of girl who need company. I just don’t understand myself sometimes.

It’s been almost five months since he left. Even been in Japan and UK for so long ,and only recently that I began to heal. Well, I finally came back to shanghai again. And it was the very first time I went to party again and seeing someone new last weekend, cause I was planning to Hawaii and just decided it to tell him--------“If you are convinced or comfortable or ready, and you feel that this is something you want us to explore ever further. I am ready to arrange things so leave my work ,my family, my obligations…to be closer to you ,to be with you ,because that is just how much I truly believe that you are the one for me…And you are at the top of my priorities…As long as you’ll have me, you’ll still be the first one I run to in the crowd.”  Yeah, something like that.

  The party was quite fun, though. what just happened after…GAH…right, you could call it-FATE.I dunno, but seems it really stopped me, obviously. I mean maybe not all of them, but I really need A response from him as well.

  Even though, it really surprised me to see my name on someone’s blog.

  But…I’m afraid…I’m afraid we don’t want the same things. I want someone who’s going to be with me until the end…I want a partner to share my life with. Finally we could make our own traditions and enjoy the life we built together.

  But anyway, in matters of love, how do you know when it’s right? Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made. I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said “Journeys end in lovers meeting” “ Love is blind”

  I think it’ll be worth the wait…

  summer look  : P

</P< FONT>

York Minster is the largest medieval cathedral in England and the seat of the Archbishop of York. The first church on the site was a wooden structure built in a hurry in 627 to provide a place to baptise Edwin, King of Northumbria. It wasn’t until 1220 that the construction of the Minster that we know today began.

York Minster is particularly of interest to art-lovers, especially those of stained glass, the Great East Window being the biggest medieval example of its kind in the world (the size of a tennis court). The cathedral also boasts the widest nave in England, a 10.8-tonne bell called Great Peter, several regimental chapels and the incomparable Chapter House.

    I will fly to London this weekend. ooh, yeah, I am not entirely sure how long gonna stay there. Maybe just two weeks…or even longer…  

   After many attempts of trying to make it work, being patient, keeping my hopes up and having faith…I ended it up. I wasn’t miserable anymore. Of course, I couldn’t fool myself completely.

    Last night stayed up until past 5:30 in the morning, because my body simply would not fall to sleep. What’s real? I dunno. Clearly, I just don’t.

    I love my life as being so simple. My desires don’t extend past simplicity. All I desire is to be free. To be able to do what I want. I’m ready to abandon this life and embrace the next.

    Just bought another new phone from U.S.

It’s 3 a.m. now and I couldn’t sleep…

It’s been a long time. Don’t you miss me at all? I just want every thought and memory out of my head !  I want peace for once. It’s about time I closed the computer and spent more of my time outside like I really want to. I’ve lost my cell phone since I came back from Japan. Well, even better…I am also done being connected like this way…I mean, uh, I really need rest and disappear for some time. I sorta finally got that.

I don’t normally watch romance flicks. But you ever watch a movie and think that’s the way things should be? Like… someone puts themselves out there for someone or something .And either they get it or they don’t…But love’s worth it…

I watched quite the inspiring movie the other day. It was called –“ Serendipity” I really can’t tell you the last movie that ever made me react so intensely. Ah-hah!

In the movie, Kate Beckinsale tries with all her might to push John Cusack away from her, thinking that if they were really meant to be, fate would find a way to get them together. Fate comes back each time, making them surer than ever that they really are destined to be with each other.

A very heart-warming movie, Serendipity will find its way into your heart and make you believe, that anything is possible if you let go of everything and just let it happen to you.

Yeah, there’s always going to be plenty of people worth dating, and even plenty of people worth marrying. But how many people are PERFECT for you? How many people are through everything you want and need? Not many…Sometimes only one person is…

If we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we all must possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call fatum. What we currently refer to as destiny. Fate is behind everything. That’s the main theme of “Serendipity” and I loved it.

And I don’t realize how much I missed a romance love story- whether it was hearing one or being a part of one until Serendipity left me smiling. So I definitely think I wanna go watch another romance flick soon.

They say that once in your lifetime , someone comes along… Whom you’re absolutely meant to be with…

Well, if we're meant to meet again, we'll meet again. it's just not the right time now.

Hey, everyone. How’s your day? I really haven’t enjoyed the past couple of days-Ugh~ I lost my cellphone and felt like lost everything. All those phone numbers and saved texts…well, all that I’ve got-memories.

I actually am going to have to try my best to just straight up ignore that fact. But it doesn’t sting until you really focus on it-he left. I need to stop thinking about it. Yeah,you could always make the comment “There are probably other people just as wonderful if not better than him”  Maybe there is someone just as good as him or even better than him…but really, he’s the one, right now and all day. I have missed him so terribly and can only think of how amazing he return will be.

I’m super disconnected from people right now. so…I’ve been watching more movies as of late. And this is one of the song of the movie “Enchanted” —So Close by Jon McLaughlin. The moment I heard this song yesterday from that movie, there’s a lot on my mind. Sure ,there always is…Because the song really did just make me want him close more than anything. So calm and romantic and touching…

I’d lost myself for a bit

I want to know when the chaos is going to stop…

So close

And still…so far…

 Jon McLaughlin - So Close

    You’re in my arms
    And all the world is calm
    The music playing on for only two
    So close together
    And when I’m with you
    So close to feeling alive

    A life goes by
    Romantic dreams will stop
    So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
    So close was waiting, waiting here with you
    And now forever I know
    All  that I wanted to hold you
    So close

    So close to reaching that famous happy end
    Almost believing this was not pretend
    And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
    So far we are so close

    How could I face the faceless days
    If I should lose you now?
    We’re so close
    To reaching that famous happy end
    And almost believing this was not pretend
    Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
    So close
    So close
    And still so far

                                                                      箱根
  由于下山的時間並不算晚,所以趕往箱根的溫泉酒店.准備美美的泡個溫泉.換上了日式服裝後,還真是很有感覺呢,日本的溫泉和新西蘭的不太一樣,水質比較清.這個時候會想起以前和朋友們一起從Auckland開車泡溫泉,只是現在就自己一個人,不過這也是此次出來散心的原因,想一個人去陌生的地方,靜一靜.換日式服裝的時候一定要記住先合上右邊的再合上左邊再系上袋子哦.不能搞錯唷!
  這邊的HOTEL還有榻榻米.很正~泡完溫泉回房煮了一壺水,泡了早已准備好的日本煎茶.外面還在飄著小雨,打開露台,慢慢品茶.聽著雨聲,這樣的感覺—真好……
  P.S.今天在箱根買到很正宗的紅富士蘋果也.日本的水果感覺很貴呢,都是一個個買的呢.看到新鮮的水果小安自己會買啦.兩個紅富士+一盒草莓=950日圓……相當無語..哈哈~~

                                            回到東京
                                      Tokyo I’m coming
 又回到了東京.今天天氣不錯,小安打算待在日本的這些天裏,大部分時間都會留在東京,早晨趕往Tokyo Metropolitan Government No.1 Building 看下景色~在電梯裏遇到也是美國人,順便聊了幾句,感覺還蠻親切的.不過人家已經來日本三年了呢.然後就跑到新宿啦.
 
                                          新宿  銀座
  以前看過一部日劇叫夜王,看了歌舞伎町一番街……因爲是白天,所以小安就隨意的逛了下.因爲小安再次發現藥妝店.嘻嘻!要說今天最開心的事呢,好就是買到了一直想要的美顔器.很小支,方便攜帶唷.
  從新宿一路又到了銀座.感覺就完全不一樣了呢.銀座比較HIGH LEVEL些,不過日本的商店關門也都比較早.晚上7.30 商店基本都關了呀.所以一天真的感覺不夠哦.
  今天逛街口很渴,所以去便利店買了family裝的牛奶,當飲料拿在路上喝.這邊的便利店既然給了小安一支和牛奶罐子一樣size長的吸管.這樣感覺就好搞笑.走在路上喝著這麽大一罐牛奶回頭率還真是很高呢.哈哈~
      
                                      

                                                              淺草寺 雷門 東京鐵塔
  聽說TOKYO的人形燒很有特色.所以今天也順路去了淺草寺雷門那邊.買了三個人形燒吃.很贊哦.剛烤出來的很美味呢.感覺TOKYO的starbucks沒有滿大街都是,诶,小安不喝咖啡真的很沒精神呢.
  然後來到東京鐵塔,因爲太近又太高,所以其實看不全,只是參觀了一下,從別的很多角度都看過了,晚上是最美的.今天感覺有些小累了.
  回到HOTEL敷著面膜”欣賞”這一天敗的東西就是每天最大的快樂了.哈哈.
  明天要去迪斯尼呢,所以早點休息哦.
P.S.今天住的HOTEL打開窗戶可以看到繁華的TOKYO夜景.吹著風,坐在窗台寫日記.感覺很贊哦.不過,還真是有點孤獨….這樣陌生的城市…一個人…..獨自流浪……

                                                Symphony Cruising  台場夜景
  今天前去搭乘無人駕駛的列車在東京彩虹大橋上開哦.一路可以欣賞東京港的景色呢.准備去碼頭乘坐五星Symphony遊輪欣賞海景哦.要去對面台場海濱公園那,要在那邊DINNER 欣賞東京灣的夜景哦,
  乘坐Symphony Cruising.裏面很華麗,是五星的遊輪哦.在裏面點了一杯COFFEE.然後到甲板上欣賞景色.感覺最喜歡東京的摩天輪.晚上看簡直美極了.還有富士電視台的BUILDING也很不錯.很美哦.可惜船上講解的都是日本語,小安不太明白呢..所以一直拿著Cruising Map看,大約50分鍾左右就到了台場啦.看介紹這邊都是填海建出來的呢.而且這邊也有個和 美國一樣的自由女神像哦.在這裏約會應該很浪漫吧.在旁邊的AQUA CITY SHOPPING MALL裏買了很多東西,看到化妝品店就又忍不住沖進去啦.在裏面又買了超多東西,這次是偏重身體保養品.TOKYO這邊的保養品很細致,買了很多美腳系列的産品,還有美白膝蓋的呢,小安真是很開心呀.
  從SHOPPING MALL出來天已黑.對面亮起了燈.東京港這邊看夜景,真的很美很浪漫.找了一家靠海邊的餐廳,一邊DINNER一邊看夜景,一個人也覺得很浪漫.哈哈.
  東京的夜景很燦爛但卻很安靜.讓人可以靜下心來思考很多.比如這次一個人來日本的種種原因,比如下一站會是哪座城市,比如是否該爲喜歡的人去不顧一切放棄一些,又比如….不再想回上海了……
  也許回到AUCKLAND 也許回到NEW YORK……

                        

                                                          換新相機了唷
  今天下午在TOKYO的SONY店買了新的相機哦.made in Japan的T90.這次小安沒有什麽都一定是白色的了,今天買了一個黑色的相機.感覺還蠻COOL的.用IPHONE上網給好朋友ISAAC留言can’t wait to tell him 在TOKYO非常開心,然後TOKYO的男生都很帥,然後他就開玩笑問是不是在DATING JAPANESE GUYS了,哈哈.不過下午被Magazine劃破手指了,在書店看書然後因爲hand cream沒帶,所以手最近都很幹,出了不少血呢.可憐的小安.
  去DOCOMO看了手機,真是好喜歡丫.可惜只能在日本國內用,今天在SONY買相機時,看到一個好可愛的speaker丫,還有很多有趣的東西,不過小安除了買保養品外,其他的都是飛速的,今天吃了一家日本甜點店人氣NO.1的點心,很好吃唷!!